Meet some of Wyatt’s friends. Garrett (on the left), James (on the right), and Bennett (not pictured---he was trying to nap) are some of Wyatt’s bestest friends. These cute boys all live in our neighborhood and they are all less than 6 weeks apart. They are adorable and their moms are some of my dearest friends. Wyatt loves them all. They play with him, share with him, babble back and forth with him. He is so lucky to have such cute friends.Because right now, Dax is not Wyatt’s friend.
Dax can be the best big brother. He tells me several times a day he loves Wyatt. He gives Wyatt kisses, hands him toys when Wyatt doesn’t have one to play with, and is always good about sharing snacks. He can be so sweet. Still, these random acts of kindness are few and far between. The rest of the day consist of some major fights between the boys, meltdowns, tantrums, hitting, bad tempers…you name it.
And lots and lots of tears; by all of us.
Dax can be so mean. Mean like taking a spatula and whopping Wyatt on the head. Mean like kicking Wyatt over when he walks by him. Mean like grabbing the toy out of Wyatt’s hand and chucking it across the room. It’s horrible. It’s uncalled for. And it makes me so sad.
Don’t get me wrong, Wyatt does his fair share of getting in Dax’s way. He messes up all the train tracks that Dax spent hours connecting to make the perfect route for his Thomas. He comes in like Godzilla and stomps all over Dax’s perfectly lined cars. He knocks down towers of checkers, blocks, Legos. Wyatt obviously doesn’t know any better, but in the eyes of a three year old, he's nothing more than a big pain.
As for me, I don’t know how to deal. I’ve tried to separate them. I’ve tried to let the two of them work it out and not interfere. I've tried time out. I’ve tried to have Dax do three nice things for Wyatt for every one mean thing he does. I’ve threaten to hit back, which I can never bring myself to do. I count to ten, I take deep breaths. I’ve screamed, I’ve yelled, I’ve cried.
And I still don’t know what to do.
Please help! Tell me this is just a phase. Tell me it gets better. Tell me they realize that they are so lucky to have each other and they are each other’s best friend. Tell me that Dax realizes that he should protect his little brother and stand up for him. Tell me Wyatt realizes his job isn’t to torment and agonize his older brother. Tell me one day this all stops. Tell me what to do.
9 comments:
I so hear you Brynn. This is definatly something I face in my home too. The good news is the older Brayden gets the more they play together. There is still way too many fights, and hitting, and being mean on Tanner's part to Brayden, but at the same time there is a lot more happy times too. I actually see them playing and laughing and getting a long so much more than they use to. Now the Brayden can "play" a little more with Tanner, Tanner seems to "love" him that much more too. I tried about every way you named too (and still do), but it is just hard. Keep hanging in there. But, I am here to say in our home it has gotten better.
My sweet Bryn,
The hard thing for Dax to realize is that when he comes over to wreck his train or stomps over his cars it is the only way the Wyett can tell him that he wants to play. The words and coordination of "play" has not evolved. One thing to try when Dax is wanting to build something like the tracks or blocks and you know he will not want to be disturbed have Dax do it on a table or in a room where Wyett can not get to it. This will relieve the stress that Dax is feeling and those out bursts should happen less frequently. Of course there are times where you will want Dax to have to learn to share, deal, and choose better actions but there are times to pick your battles. Try explaining to Dax that Wyett thinks he is the greatest big brother and he only wants to be right there playing by him. Maybe when Dax picks a toy out have him pick a figure out of the mix that he is playing that can be for Wyett and he can give it to him. Umm I could go on and on! Call me!!!! I would love you to pick my brain and come up with some ideas to help, that is well, what I do for my profession. :) Love you! Most of all hang in there it will get better as the little one year old gets older!
Karmann and Tasha, Thank you already for your helpful words! The boys have such a love/hate relationship and for the most part they are so happy. But those moments when they are in each other's way can get so ugly! Tasha, I could see my visions of all boys slipping away watching these two the past few weeks, but you've given me hope!! And Karmann...what was I thinking not coming to you?! I know you'll have the answers. I feel like I have tried so many angels and techniques with Dax explaining why Wyatt does the things he does, but nothing seems to be getting through.I hope you meant it when you said I could pick your brain! :) Hopefully you have some ideas for me to get some more patience!
Oh brynn, Honey.....your scarring me. Im scared McCoy will do deadly things to the baby. It is just a phase im sure, but one thing about boys that ive learned is, they are fighters. They have kind hearts and claws for fingernails. McCoy is in a hitting, pouting, rough stage right now too. I dont know what it is. ITs hard cause i think brothers and boys just grow up to be rough and that is life. As for us mom's, we are saddend to see it happen, like they are supposed to stay sweet and cuddly the entire time. I know McCoy is EVERYTHING BUT SWEET right now. It might just be that baby crawling out of thier skin and being replaced by "boy" I dont know. Its hard. I think a good FHE lesson for both our boys on kindness, sharing, obedience and loving would be great.....if we can just get them to listen! Good luck my dear and if you find something that works, let me know, cause coy is hard hard hard right now and I seriously cry about it all the time. Its ok, give it a good cry, maybe w'll make the boys feel sad and they'll change to be nice!
Hey Bryn,
I can completely relate. My kids fight, fight, and fight. I am sure when Baden is old enough Bradley and Baden will fight.
All I can say is Once Dax goes to school it will feel alot easier. I also think that as they get older they will be able to speak their feelings rather than be so physical. I really don't have great advice except, I call my family room area the "happy zone" so if they are fighting or screaming in that area they have to go to their room until they can come down and be nice or happy.
Good Luck!!! I know we all need it.
Bryn, I understand where you are coming from. I am just so glad I have you to swap stories with most days. You are great Mom.
Geez Bryn you definetly don't need anymore advice...your 2 friends hooked you up with some sweet words of wisdom!! But I'm sure it is so frustrating at times & still nothing seems to work!! It will totally end as time goes on...& every kid is so different!! Wyatt & Dax will be the best of buddies one day...but as for right now I think its just the age & part of learning!!!:) I get so frustrated with Brynley with her friends already...so I will need all your expertice when we have another kid in the mix!! Luv ya
sibling relationships are hard. Liek you said..best of friends and worst of enemies. If Wy is going to be anything like Blue and the typical younger/ middle child, he'll get a lot of abuse but still be totally loyal to the older bully and stick up for them till the end!He'll be the peace maker and the calmer child.
That's how it goes over here and that's how I was as a middle child! It's funny how we see child order unfold. I have a special place in my heart for the middle child. I think they go through a lot and still come out great!
I'm sure it is just a phase. Sure, the sibling rivalry will continue probably forever, but Dax will not always be so abusive. He will learn. Just keep sticking to your guns and be consistenet in whatever you do and he will learn what isn't okay. You've got two great little boys!
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