Girlfriends

Everyone says kids grow up way too fast. You hear it all the time when you are pregnant or with a newborn and a sweet (or kinda strange), little lady walks up and wants to touch your belly or oooh and ahhh over your little one. You can see how they are reminiscing of their grown children and how they miss their babies. I’ll admit some days I can’t imagine the day going any slower, wishing time would speed up, but ninety nine percent of the time, I totally believe that. My kids are growing up way too fast. Dax especially is on the fast track. And I wish he would stop.

There are things daily that remind me he is getting big. For instance, when he uses the word “intentionally” or “sophisticated”. Or his mannerisms look so grown up. Lately he would rather fold his arms and walk next to me rather than hold my hand because somehow he has figured it out that he looks older (and cooler) walking by himself than hand in hand with his mom. I love to hold his hand. And I’ve had to start making up stories about when he wipes off my kisses. I just tell him he is just rubbing them in more just to make my secretly breaking heart feel better. I know when he starts pre-school in the next few months I’ll hyperventilate seeing him walk up to his teachers house, wearing his back pack that is the same size as him. And even though nothing is actually in his back pack, I know he’ll want to wear it because he will feel big just because he gets to go to school. He has no problem leaving me.

All these things remind me how before I know it he is going to be all grown up and it’s all going to happen right before my eyes. But this morning….that was the kicker. I literally cried.

Last week my sweet friend dropped her 11 and 8 year old girls off to play with Dax and Wyatt while I ran up the street for a quick meeting. The boys were so happy to have friends come play and the four of them got along great. When I got home I asked how everything went and the report was great all the way around. I’ve posted before how Dax can’t remember anyone’s name. He is just horrible at it. So I knew, even after playing with these girls and swimming together afterwards, he would never, ever remember what their names were.

This morning when I was getting Dax dressed he showed me the train table in his room. Instead of train cars, tracks, bridges, wooden trees and anything else that had landed on the train table the past few days strewn all across the top in a big mess, it was set up like a perfect little train town. There was the train station in the middle with tracks going out each side, two bridges, a tunnel, a track around the mountain dotted with wooden pine trees and even a few houses around the lake. It was a way better set up than I have ever done for him. I was sure he was going to tell me how my niece had set it up for him when she was over playing, or maybe the babysitter Saturday night. No. None of those. He said, “Mom, look what my girlfriends built for me.”

He caught me so off guard. He has never said that word before. He kinda took my breath away. I said, “You mean your friends who are girls.” He wasn’t having that. He said, “No, my girlfriends.” Deep breath. Deep breath. I kept telling myself he was only calling them that because he couldn’t remember their names. It surely didn’t have anything to do with him really thinking he has girlfriends, he doesn’t even know what that is. I had to drop it. I couldn’t think about it one more second.

Except I can’t stop thinking about it. One day, a lot sooner than I think it’ll be, my son is going to have girlfriends. He definitely won’t want to be my shopping buddy anymore, or have me take him out to dinner or have a special date night and rent Alvin and the Chipmunks and eat popcorn with me. He’ll be wanting to do that with a girl. A girlfriend. I know I have years to go, but this is a little overwhelming. I’m no expert on being a mother to a boy, but this has got to be one of the hardest parts of raising a son, right? Having them leave you one day? It’s breaking my heart.

I guess all's I can do for the time being is accept those flowers he picks for me with pure delight and let him build me all the castles he wants with his Mega Blocks and Legos. I’ll pick him up and hold him when he asks me to even though that’s his way of saying he has to go potty and doesn’t want to stop what he is doing to go. And when he asks, I’ll stay in his room and lay on his bed with him until he falls asleep. And don’t tell, but as long as I can get away with it, I may just do like my favorite book says and once he falls asleep, pick him up and rock him and whisper, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

Because one day, those flowers won’t be coming to me. They’ll be going to a girlfriend. Just kill me now.